Get back on track

Photo: http://www.iloverunningmagazine.com/

"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." That's a quote from Arthur Ashe. It's true. There's no point in looking behind you. It doesn't change the now. However sometimes, at certain moments, you really feel you don't know how to do what you can or even to accept that YOU CAN. You don't know how to harness those words and make them a reality, and worse still, only YOU CAN; nobody can do it for you.

Admittedly it does help to have a friend or loved one close by that can support you and help you see that YOU CAN but today was one of those days. Even after speaking to my husband in Nigeria on the phone, I realised I did not have that kind of support at the moment, even though I felt I needed it. The conversation went more along the lines of, "what's wrong with you woman? You've things to do so get out of bed and go do it. It's no good staying in bed and complaining about it". Yeah thanks.

So... I got angry at my husband for being so far away and seemingly useless and I decided on my own; not that I CAN, but that I WILL. This was against everything I was feeling at that moment hence my tweet: "There's only one person can get you out of a rut. That's you. I'm climbing today. Will blog my progress later. Turn this sh*t around".

I started where I was (got out of bed), using what I had (my body) and doing what I could... whatever that was going to be. (Note: still scared at this point that I might start running and just not be able to do it)!

So here I am, blogging my progress as promised.

I haven't even written a blog post for 3 weeks. That speaks volumes. Yes I have been busy but really, I've been feeling a bit lost. My marathon training had been going so well. I felt awesome. You only need to read some of my earlier blog posts such as Trail Half Marathon: My first experience to pick up on how on-top-of-this-world I was feeling. And well, re-reading that post, I can only say that bottle of cava will have to wait.

I won't be running the Munich marathon next week. For the last three weeks, I have been pondering over whether I will ever even run again. The first Doctor I visited certainly didn't seem too optimistic. However,  I took a second opinion and accepted an appointment to see Dr Christian Beck . Now this guy knew what he was doing and how to handle a non-German speaking, potentially depressed runner-that-can't-run like me! He looked over the MRI photos of my hip and immediately told me there is nothing wrong with my hip. My back is the problem.

This does not mean I can run the Munich marathon but what it does mean is that I can run again at some point... and this was Monday. Dr Beck was telling me to try running at the weekend. Believe me, this was the difference between, "you will never run again" and "go run!" He turned me on my side, swung my right leg over my left and CRACK. That was that sorted! Then the other side. I have to stretch in a similar position five times per day for the coming weeks, before and after running, but there is no reason why I cannot run.

So why the big deal? Why didn't I just go out and run again? What's the rut I have been trying to climb out of all day? Here you go:
1) I'm still gutted that I can't do the Munich marathon. I wanted it so much. (I know, get over it. I'm trying).
2) Running did more than keep me fit; it kept my mind in good order while Alex has been away in Nigeria since May. Until last weekend, I had not seen him for 53 days. That's a long time in any marriage, but it is an eternity as 'newly weds'. (It's been just over a year since our wedding).
3) I feel really rather lost and lonely. I guess point 2 (above) is not helping with that one but it is weird; take away my running program and I find it difficult to keep a routine and any kind of motivation for anything at all, outside work.

Did I make progress? Yes. I did.
1) I am writing this blog post!
2) I did my laundry, cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed throughout the apartment, changed the bed-clothes and tidied up. (This will help clear my mind as well as the apartment!)
3) All of this came after... I WENT RUNNING. There were some down-sides to the run which I'm not going to dwell on because the fact is, I ran 5km today and considering I attempted 3km a couple of weeks ago which resulted in me limping home in tears, this is a huge positive step in the right direction.

I started where I was - recovering from injury, missing my husband and miserable.
I used what I had - lacking my husband to give me the support I thought I needed (let's face it, it would have helped!), I used me. Me, my mind and I. Arthur Ashe said, "Do what YOU can"; not do what someone else can do for you.
So... I did what I CAN - I turned this sh*t around. I RAN.

#rehab #running around a lake. Very happy I made 5km even if a bit slow. #comeback

A photo posted by @kerrylouiseleach on Oct 3, 2015 at 6:51am PDT

Spanish Wine in Munich

The loveliest Spanish wine shop with the loveliest Spanish owner, and just what I needed at this point in my Munich-life, was discovered through a cava-tasting evening posted to Internations. I absolutely loved it and had a thoroughly enjoyable evening. Thanks to Julia Grune for arranging it!

With things I love this much, I like to share here on the blog so maybe I can assist in the promotion of the shop a little bit, and help others in Munich who might share my passion for wines. Camino del Vino is the name - check it out!

Without further ado, you can find it here:

Baaderstrasse 32, 80469, Munich

The evening was arranged through Internations  - this is an expat social network that is particularly useful if you are new to a place and it has most corners of the World covered. You can sign up for free but to have access to the events you usually need to pay a small monthly membership fee. I think it is worth it.

The website is coming soon but here is the facebook page to Camino del Vino.  

Some highlights:

• The owner is really knowledgable and welcoming - she definitely knows her stuff
• I discovered a fantastic little wine shop
• Whole host of wines and cavas as well as some smaller Spanish delicacies such as olive pastes
• Enjoyed 6 cavas, while also learning a lot about the fermentation process of cava, what to look for on the bottles etc.
• Terrific tapas served alongside to compliment the cavas
• Came away with a fantastic bottle of cava - see photos below
• I found out there is another wine-tasting here (Internations only) on 17th September so I get to do it all over again with 3 red wines and 3 white wines from Spain!
• And here are the photos of what we tried... (with a link to the vineyard website)

 http://www.juveycamps.com/

http://www.paresbalta.com/

http://www.raventos.com/en

http://janeventura.com/?lang=en

The wine I came away with - top price at 25.-EUR per bottle but wow it tastes good!

Two random things I have learned about living in Munich

Typical oktoberfest scene!

I left Phuket in 2013 to move to Munich, Germany. However with my job seeing me travel around, and my husband's job seeing us live a lot in African countries, I have not really had the solid opportunity to enjoy Munich and to know it as the great city everyone has told me it is.

Of course I have done Oktoberfest. Let's just say what happens at Oktoberfest, stays at Oktoberfest! I have done the sights of Nymphenburg Palace (which by the way is very much worth a visit and is set in the most beautiful expanse of garden right on the outskirts of central Munich) and Neuschwanstein (which again is fascinating not only as the product of the crazy Ludwig II of Bavaria but also as the inspiration for Walt Disney's Cinderella Palace). But after almost two years of on-off living in Munich, it is only the last couple of months I feel I have really discovered what it is to live in Munich. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I may review my opinion as Winter draws in, but Munich (in the Summer) is awesome!

My new discoveries:

Out for a run - looking over the mountains

1) Mountains - yes, I always knew that Munich is located just minutes from the mountains and particularly popular with those who ski in the winter or hike in the summer months, but wow! I finally had reason to get out of the city and into the country because I needed some serious hills for my run training. After a bit of research I found Taubenberg. To link you to it, I can only suggest you visit the website of the Guesthouse, which will come in useful to quench your thirst after all that running, walking or hiking! At the high points of this 'small' mountain are the most breath-taking views and walking/running through the woodland to reach the top is so calming and soothing on the soul. (Sounds cheesy but honestly, it is lovely). Very popular with ramblers, hikers, mountain-bikers and runners (well me running at least because I didn't actually see anybody else crazy enough to run!). I found running routes on mapmyrun and runkeeper but be careful because some routes are out of date and the first time I attempted this I got lost waist-deep on a forest path that was not even walk-able, never mind something to run on!

A forest path that I could run along!

2) Munich really does have culture - again yes, I already knew this. However the open-air cinemas are mainly screened in German and I never had anybody here to accompany me while locals seem to arrive at these places in their droves, and seem to know exactly what to do! I still haven't been. The opera is a similar thing; I'm not going to rock up on my own. To get tickets without booking way in advance is impossible so again, I still haven't been. Then, I was in Vienna a few weeks ago and culture just seemed to jump out of every minute corner of the city. Vienna was a living, breathing example of a cultural capital of the World! I was literally stumbling across open-air cinemas/bars/operas/art galleries; all at the same time, in one place, and you would totally fit in alone there without feeling odd. Vienna didn't offer culture for Austrians; it offered culture for all and delighted in the presence of anybody who wanted to appreciate it. It was enlightening and I felt I lacked this feeling about Munich even though Bavarians seem to think they have this kind of thing totally sorted! 

But this comparison is unfair to Munich. Munich-dwellers don't make it altogether welcoming and obvious, or easy for that matter, but go in search and thou shalt find. Munich does have culture. If you class it as 'culture', which I do - I mean, beer culture is an actual thing - then beer gardens. I don't know so many people in Munich, but even acquaintances are suggesting a meet-up in the Beer Gardens through the Summer months. Awesome!

Cava tasting evening - Baaderstrasse 32

Then I became more active in my discovery of Munich via my Internations membership. In the last month I have discovered wine/cava tasting (see my next blog post). I have found dragon boating and sailing, which is of interest to me since I used to be an active member of the Dragonboat Club in Phuket (in my former life). I have also found various other meet-ups, cycle rides, groups and dinner events that I would love to join but there are only so many hours in a day! In essence, Munich is great as a tourist but it has a lot to offer its inhabitants too!

Live music at Kulturstrand August 2015

The ultimate highlight that really struck me was when I stepped out of Müller´sches Volksbad after an afternoon swimming session and heard some fantastic live music floating across the air from the other side of the river. They sounded fantastic and I had to find out more. In fact there was a live band, a bar/seating area set up, whole families and people of all ages enjoying the music that was just there. Next to the river. For seemingly no reason. Except for, why not? 

Brilliant. I had finally found Munich's culture slapping me in the face like Vienna's did. This was great. This is what people had been telling me about.

Trail Half Marathon: My first experience

Cheddar Gorge Challenge medal collection

Six weeks ago in my blog post 'Run light like...' I explained how my recent involvement in the Relish Running Races Cheddar Gorge Challenge had rekindled my passion for running and allowed me to discover the delights (and pains!) of trail running.

Well, I did it! 16th August marked my first trail half marathon and I picked up my last piece of metal to complete the Cheddar Gorge Challenge. Not only did I complete it but I came 10th overall!!! I am absolutely over the moon and ecstatic. I thoroughly enjoyed it and many thanks to Relish Running Races organisers for the fantastic job they did at all three races I attended.

Lindsay & I on the finish line

What can I tell you? It was bloody difficult! But then? That is what you want. That is what makes it interesting. I was doing ok but I got a great burst when I saw Hell's steps for the last time. I went bounding past four others as I was determined to give my all at this point in the race. As my friend Lindsay had told me in training, "Don't see them as hills. See them as mounds of opportunity!" By the end, as I approached the finish line, my legs were like jelly. I had definitely gone as hard and as far as I could. Great feeling.

Hills are mounds of opportunity

Everybody has their own demons. Everybody has their own challenges. This was mine and even if I missed the odd training session here or there, I know that in the end, I did the best I could during that trail half marathon. I had everything to be proud of and I was.

In the last 8 months I have given up smoking (-something I should have never started but I do - or did - enjoy it!). I have started running again at a respectable fitness level. I have achieved better than I could have imagined in the Cheddar Gorge Half Marathon and well... since I have got this far, after 2 years of saying it, I have finally committed to the Munich marathon on 11th October 2015. 

Champagne celebrations

Another great challenge, Munich is a city I hold close to my heart for a number of reasons and I felt a connection to this city long before I came to live here (for inexplicable reasons), so I have always wanted to earn THAT medal; that of the Munich Marathon. I ran the Phuket Marathon in 2011 and said, "I will never run another marathon again" but even then, I gave myself the exception that I would do another marathon if it was in a cooler climate such as that of Europe "just so I can compare my race time". So here I am.

Final weeks of training in progress. A fresh bottle of cava is awaiting in the fridge (thanks to a wonderful Cava Tasting evening I recently attended at Camino del Vino in Munich - worthy of another blog post!). And well, as always, watch this space..............!

All change - Miss to Mrs!

This was always going to be a weird update. If you have followed my blog so far then this post may shock you or surprise you, or not... let's see. 

Thing is I was not UNhappy. You can see that from my previous posts but things started to change and I didn't seem to be as happy as I should be. Turning 30 was amazing but it did make me think quite a lot about where I was and where I wanted to be. The ticking biological clock was getting so loud that almost my every thought was TICK-TOCK-TICK-TOCK. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that Mik and I had been together for almost 10 years at this point and it seemed naturally like the 'next step' in our relationship, plus I wanted a baby! But EVERYTHING seemed to be getting in the way. My passion for the next fitness challenge had somehow extended to Mik and while it was great to have a training partner, my challenges were running out, my passion for training was waning and I really, really wanted to enjoy my life more without worrying about the next meal plan, run, swim or bike ride, while Mik's love of triathlons was growing exponentially! In my head, the Phuket triathlon of November 2012 was my final big blow-out to push my body to its potential (at that time) and then, relax. Enjoy life. Start a family...

Feel the pain as I finished the Phuket triathlon

It was not happening like that though. Mik and I were growing apart. With my frustrations unsolved part of me carried on regardless. The Go Eco Phuket event that I mentioned in my last post (September 2012) was a huge success and literally catapulted me into near-fame in Phuket! It was not meant to be like that but it was great to see real awareness raised of Phuket's Eco-issues, in particular marine debris around the very Island that I had come to love. This did add to the stress on my relationship with Mik though. I didn't feel it at this stage, but I know he did. I was stressed, I was busy and those niggling frustrations (see above) were still chewing me up. I really wanted his support, and although I may have been wrong, I didn't feel like I had it; not for anything I wanted to do anymore, except triathlons! My life was all triathlon training and then December 2012 arrived.

Go Eco Phuket September 2012 - there I am

Mik's parents visited for Christmas. I was so looking forward to this; my first 'family Christmas' in more than a decade. Again, it didn't go quite as I imagined. On the one hand it was wonderful. I really like Mik's parents; they are caring, they are kind and they are creators of the perfect/ideal family (that my parents somehow didn't manage). The Jennings have been happily married forever! An inspiration! However, one conversation from their visit really stuck. 'Babies' were mentioned and very quickly brushed away as they gave support to the relationship Mik and I had at the time; no kids, 2 incomes and lots of time to enjoy ourselves doing whatever we wanted. But that was just the thing, I wasn't enjoying that anymore.

Meanwhile I was working A LOT at the dive centre. I was actually living FOR the dive centre most days. It made me happy but also, the sad fact that it was my life was making me sad. I loved the people there; the staff, the customers, everything... more than I loved being home. Throughout January Mik and I knew something was wrong and we talked about it, I took time out of the dive centre to try and fix it but it had gone too far.

At this time there was one thing, or rather one person who was making me happy. That person is Alex and here is the shocker... he is now my husband. 

I fought it and fought it and fought it. There was no way that anybody was going to come between the almost 10-year relationship I had with Mik. No way. I told Mik about Alex. I told Mik what I thought was happening. But Mik seemed to hate Alex even before any of this. With hindsight maybe he could see what was happening and that made him so resentful. I'll never know but had Mik been stronger in giving his support (instead of as he was with Go Eco Phuket) my reaction may have been different. Instead, whether he was pushing me away or I was pulling away, I really only felt happy and stress-free when I was around Alex. I wanted to make Mik and I work but more and more there were signs that it was over.

The last Go Eco Phuket event I did - August 2013

The start of 2013 therefore was horrible. I got angry with Alex and told him to get lost on more than one occasion, saying I never wanted to see him again. I was saddened and disappointed by Mik because he didn't seem to want to 'pick up the pieces'. I know it is as much about me but I really needed showing the way at this point. I was in love with two men! One I had been with for all of my adult life, never wanted to hurt and felt generally so comfortable with, I could never imagine my life without him (or his family). The other seemingly loved me like I had never felt loved before, he loved and supported every strange thought or passion I held and literally made me feel like ME (where I had felt a bit lost before). In the end, from the sadness and torture, I had only one choice and that was to chase my own happiness.

Nothing against Mik, nothing at all. I still love him in many ways but not the way he wanted me to or the way he deserved. It still saddens me that we don't have that much contact now due to the awkwardness that has developed between us. 

In the end I couldn't make him understand me anymore and in April 2013 I sadly packed my things and moved out, not really knowing where I was heading. If I had been looking for a sign at that time, it was the relief I felt as I unpacked my things into a small room in Chalong. Like I said, I was never UNhappy with Mik or my life in Phuket but the relief I felt on making a move towards giving that 'old life' up was reassuring at a time when I needed it.

I couldn't fight anymore. I didn't want to. Part of the relief came from accepting my own happiness and Alex was making me happy. At this time Alex was willing to do anything for me which while it was all very flattering, I could not let that happen. I did not want that. One of his anythings was that he would quit his corporate life to become a Diving Instructor in Phuket, while I carried on my much-loved life in Phuket. Now I had to be honest. It was not that I did not love Phuket anymore but I had been living in Phuket from the age of 21. I had literally grown up there. It is an amazing place to live but I could not get past the fact that I felt my life had expired there. I had done all I wanted but I could not see how I could progress there. Small progress could always be made but I was not living my life how I wanted and progress was too slow. I was missing being closer to my good friends and family in Europe. I was missing some amount of 'normal' life such as having weekends (not working 24/7), having important holidays off such as Christmas, Easter etc., enjoying long summer evenings... I was even missing being cold sometimes! I wanted a family but I wanted a family to be born out of happiness with more security than Phuket could ever give me or our family. Finally, it was time... "Alex, I don't think I want to be here anymore. I don't think you do really. What now?"

So many friends in Phuket!

May 2013 I was flying to Germany. It was part of my 'conditions' if you like. I wasn't going to commit my life to being with Alex if away from Phuket we were different. Let's be honest, Phuket is a small Island with expats a-plenty but it is not real. I can't really explain that to people who have not experienced it but you are thrown together with people that normally you would not meet, or have anything to do with. This is no bad thing actually! The long-term expat population is kind of slim in the 20-40 age range which means I was in the minority there anyway. You have the sea, the sun, constant dinners, drinks and friends around you. Honestly, it is paradise... but what happens outside of that? What happens when the sh*t hits the fan? Alex is German, I am English - what happens when we see each-other in our own cultures, surroundings and friend networks? Things could go horribly wrong! I was scared!

Many thanks to my boss for helping me with life in Munich

I should not have feared. In Germany my boss offered to let me give up my Dive Centre Manager job in Phuket to take up my new post in the Head Office in Munich. Alex already had an apartment in Munich... so I had no excuses! My dream of moving back to Europe could not have been easier, it had been handed to me on a plate.

With so much to catch up on, I am going to miss out some beautiful details here but I have to say that the last year has gone perfectly. From strength to strength I am making progress and I am still totally happy with Alex (even in his culture and with his friends). Ha! Actually I am doing really well. So many things slotted in to place, it is almost freakishly perfect.

I really want to blog my wedding day because it was amazing so until next time let me bring you up to date with the last 12 months in brief!

June 7th (early hours of 8th) 2013 - Alex proposed and I said YES

Alex then agreed to take a short-term 3 month job contract in South Africa which made sense as I would need this time to wrap up my life in Phuket properly.

July 2013 - I visited Cape Town for a week and we stayed at Mont Rochelle Vineyard for Alex's birthday. It here I had a moment of "I could get married here". Cape of Good Hope was also done at this time. Absolutely beautiful!

August 2013 - I visited Dubai for a week as Alex had been transferred there for his work. Amazing trip involving diving, going up the Burj Khalifa, and lots of food!!

September 2013 - Alex along with my friends Lindsay and Patrick met me in Singapore for the Formula One Race. We then traveled back to Phuket to pack the rest of my things and...

30th September 2013 - I left Phuket and bound my flight to Munich for my new life!

October 2013 - I visited UK to explain the 'new life' to my family and friends there. Also celebrated my Dad's birthday with him for the first time in years! I returned to Cape Town to finally choose Franschhoek as the location of our wedding.

November 2013 - I started full time back at work for Sub Aqua Dive Center (Head Office Munich)

December 2013 - Christmas time and I spent Christmas in the UK for the first time in 11 years! Also made a quick trip to Cape Town to confirm La Petite Dauphine as the venue for our wedding.

January-February 2014 - Stressful time with German language courses, wedding planning etc.

15th March 2014 - I married Alexander Christoph Kiel at La Petite Dauphine, Franschhoek, South Africa in bright sunshine with family and friends that could make it. Gorgeous day and here is just one picture to share until next time...

15th March 2014 - I became a MRS